Time is a healer?

It's been over 5 months. It pains me to sit in silence when all I hear is my own breathing.
My mind draws me back to great times with my best friend.
The silly this is I even miss her silent presence around the house.
These days I have many distractions to keep me occupied, but I find that in the evenings the brokenness is harder. I believe the test of my personal journey and my commitment to Christ highlights how far I have fallen from from grace. But He always have an exit. I know it is them He carries me. I will strive on and fight the good fight. The journey is only halfway and I don't think Pauline would want me to dwell in this mire of pity and loneliness.
Recently I have been going through our photographs to find one I have taken with her but most of them are either of Pauline or the scenery. That's the problem with being a photographer. However, last week my brother sent me one photo that he found in his camera. He took it during our trip to the Ancient Silk Road. What a photo moment to cherish. I still miss her.

Equitable Bushfire Relief

I was listening to 3AW, Neil Mitchell with Tom Elliott , discussing how the distribution can be equitable. Whichever way the state and federal government go in handing out bushfire relief, there will be those who will not be happy. Especially those with full or partial house and content insurance and those without.
Generally there are 4 general case senarios: All homes destroyed by the fire.
Home #1 - Fully insured and sufficient to cover rebulid
Home #2 - Insurance insufficient to cover rebuild
Home #3 - Uninsured – working family
Home #4 - Uninsured – family on pension or CentreLink allowance

The government should encourage ownership for the rebuilding of homes. Rather than just merely giving the bushfire funds out, the government should make the funds available as an interest-free loans to those who need the funds to rebuild.
To make it equitable for all, I have simply structured an incentive along side the assistance for everyone.
Home #1 is no funds required but they are entitled to tax deductible insurance premiums for the next 15 years.
Home #2 receives interest-free loan to cover the gap between insurance payout. Insurance premiums are tax deductible for 10 years. Repayment of the interest free loan term is assessed on the income of the family.
Home #3 receives interest-free loan to rebuild and repayment terms assessed on the income of the family.
Home #4 receives interest-free loan to rebuild and repayment terms assessed on the CentreLink assistance and small amounts are deducted.

This is a fair and just way to rebuild. The funds in the pool are then used for future assistance etc. This will give a sense of unity for those who have so generously given money and assistance to those who need the money. The principle is not new - refer to the hex education scheme.

It's been along time…

The last time I blog was 10 months ago. Time has just gone past so fast. As I sit in Knox Private Hospital and write, Pauline is resting just an arm's length away.
Her pancreatic cancer is now non responsive to treatment.
In my opinion, pancreatic cancer is the most ruthless cancer. There are not many trial happening for this cancer. Partly because pancreatic cancer is so ruthless.
In May of this year, while I was searching for pancreatic cancer on the web, I came across "The Last Lecture" on youtube. It was inspirational - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
I then joined PanCan - http://www.pancan.org/ This is an organisation born or Randy Pausch's legacy. I urge to support this organisation so that there may be a solution to this disease.
There is not a lot I can do for my soul mate, Pauline, except to pray for God's peace and thank Him for his generous blessings.
Until we meet again.

A letter…

In the wee small hours of one January morning, I felt really sad. I wasn't sure why I would feel that way. But I felt I was sinking in a mire. The time was 2am. My eyes were fixated on the computer screen. The email window was blank. I was thinking about everything in my life. How my plans for the future are now in turmoil.

As I gravitated lower and lower, a "you've got mail" alert herald a new email. I click and open this letter:

Dear Casey

Has God spoken promises to you that haven't come to pass? I want to let you know it is natural to struggle with that. You may ask, how and when will God's plans and promises come to pass in my life? Sometimes, you might even try to make those things come to fruition in your own way. Abraham was very familiar with this struggle...

Abraham had two sons, one from his slave wife and one from his free wife. The son of the slave wife was born in a human attempt to bring about the fulfillment of God's promise. But the son of the free wife was born as God's ownfulfillment of His promise... Sarah represents the heavenly Jerusalem. She is the free woman, and she is our mother... you are children of the promise... "Get rid of the slave and her son, for the son of the slave woman will not share the inheritance with the free woman's son." ...we are not children of the slave woman; we are children of the free woman.Gal 4:22-30

Attempting to fulfill something God has promised but hasn't yet released you into is not obedience, it is striving. Striving brings a weight, burden or heaviness that God hasn't positioned you to carry. Now is the time to stop striving. The true promises and plans of God won't be fulfilled in your strength. In His timing, God will produce something far beyond anything your strength or ability can create.

What are the areas of your life that God has specifically given to you? Those are the areas where there is grace, provision and blessing to labor in. You are in obedience when you cultivate those areas because it is good stewardship.

Are you willing to wait to see God's promises and plans come forth in His timing and His way? Settle this within yourself now and the Lord will renew your strength and you will enter into the true peace of God.

Those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

For His Kingdom,

John and Lisa Bevere

The best birthday gift of all

The last time I contributed to this blog was five months ago. Nine months ago, Pauline was diagnosed with an inoperable pancreatic cancer, words failed me - just quiet tears and silent groans.

Long drawn out days came and went. A sense of helplessness overwhelmed. Daily home chores and the cooking filled the days. Office work filled the rest. Nights were the most difficult times. Seconds seemed like hours. My study became my quiet place for many nights. There were so many people who have been praying for us. And by the grace of God, His strength is sufficient for me to get through each day. It was great for have Sarah home. The silence was often punctuated with trivia quizzes in the day. The night air oftened filled with the aroma of a bakery.

Pauline completed her first treatment in November last year. After her first re-staging, she was prescribed two more chemotherapies. These really knocked her about. After two more courses and restagings later, her cancer protein markers dropped significantly. A good sign albeit they were still rogue cells.

Last Sunday was my birthday and I did not feel like celebrating. My wish was for healing for Pauline. On the 5th Feb, Pauline went for a PET scan (Positron emission tomography - a type of nuclear medicine imaging scan).

Today 8th Feb, a day after our 28th Anniversary, Pauline's oncologist contacted me and said Pauline is in remission - the cancer is gone. I could not have ask for anything more. We thank God for his grace and healing.

It feels like I have been on a long journey along a narrow path lined with thorn bushes. But I also felt that I have been guided our of these tough times. Today I praise and thank God for this wonderful gift of my soul mate, best friend and partner - Pauline.

Thank you family and friends for all your thoughts and prayers. May our God of love and peace bless you all richly.

From little grains, an emperor's robe...

Patience rewards those who persevere.

Pauline some months ago, sat down and began to organise a spectrum of coloured glass beads. I ask about her new project and she said all will be revealed. Days became weeks and weeks became months. Finally, one evening, she revealed what I can describe as incredible. An emperor's robe.

Some things just cannot be described. This is one of them. An array of vivid coloured beads - golds, blues, yellows, reds etc., strung together on a single thread.

Well, here it is for all to enjoy.

With you... together... always...

Something exciting was happening in Perth and I was unable to be a part of. It was my brother's 60th birthday celebrations. However, I knew I was there in spirit and that he'd understand. Of course he does. He is the only brother I have albeit a couple more spiritual brothers and sisters.

Pauline and myself celebrate his birthday with "Ham Choy" soup, Baby Bok Choy in garlic sauce and steam chicken with rice.

So what can I say about my brother (Tai Kor). My love for him is from my heart. He has been an incredible tower of support to me all my life. As a teenager, I remembered the first thing he taught me when I failed my "O" level exams, he was in Singapore. I was both disappointed and depressed. He rang me and said, "Be strong, try again, failure is just another step closer to success". That thought has never left me. I repeated a year and subsequently joined my sister and him in London to pursue my tertiary studies. He has help make me become who I am today.

I have been so blessed to have everyone in my family caring and supporting Pauline and myself. This, I believe, is the measure of the strength of our family. I thank God for my brother and everyone else in my family.

I love you all.